あおい
by beautiful-surreal
Summary: I’ve always watched them. My mother wouldn’t like that I watch them, but I do. I can’t help it. They’re so… amazing. A girl named Aoi yearns to be a ninja, but can't because of her ma. That doesn't keep her from watching them though.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything I didn't create.

**A/N:** Hiyas everyone! This is my first Naruto fic, so please tell me what you think. Constuctive feedback would be helpful, and very much appreciated. I don't know how long this story will be, maybe a few chapters.

あおい is Japanese for Aoi, my character's name. I hope you like the story!

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I've always watched them. My mother wouldn't like that I watch them, but I do. I can't help it. They're so… amazing. The way they move as they spar, like water. How they throw punches and can kick like a boulder crashing through a village after rolling down a mountaintop and gaining momentum. The way they are so quiet like deer, or wind when they are practicing their stealth, and their remarkable concentration when they draw up their chakra for jutsus. They come in teams too. Numbered teams, fresh from ninja school, and sometimes I watch those younger people too because they know things I don't.

I want so badly to be one of them, but mama won't let me. It's because she's still so sad. It's because of papa. Papa was one of them.

"Sakura-chaaaaan!" I turned my head towards the familiar voice with a small smile from where I was hiding up in my tree, hidden by my leaves. I knew that voice. He was one of my favorite people to watch. My favorite team to watch really. He was so funny. His name was Naruto, and he had whisker-like birthmarks on his cheeks that showed that he had the Kyubi inside him. Yes, I knew about that. I was probably the only twelve-year-old who did. I had heard it once- well, overheard it really. One of the Jounin in one of the many bars around Konaha had let it slip accidentally while drunk before being slapped around the head and berated, so I knew it was a taboo subject, as other people seemed to act the same way around Naruto. Nobody knew that I knew. I was stealthy, and silent, having learned how to do that from watching them. The ninja students.

I didn't judge him for that. Naruto had a fox inside him and no parents. In a way, I could relate to him. I didn't have a demon inside me, but… well. I knew how he felt most of the time. Lonely. We coped with it in different ways though, and I followed them silently through the tree tops as they made their way to the training grounds- Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and their teacher- Kakashi. Kakashi knew I existed. He had spotted me watching them once a couple months ago when my scent had been blown his way. He didn't say anything at the time, because I had instantly run away. I was afraid of being found, and he was very kind. He never mentioned it to anyone, so I had come back. I had learned a lot from him, as he would accidentally-on-purpose teach bigger and wider than he needed to.

Most teachers would just focus on their students, who would normally be right in front of them, and so they would direct their actions and words just towards them, so that they would be harder for me to hear, and they didn't use much movement at all. Not Kakashi. He taught me too, and I was very grateful to him for that. In thanks, I had left an Ichi Ichi Tactics book on his doorstep once, and I saw him reading it the next day, a note pinned to my usual tree with a kunai and a wrapped-up mochi. My favorite kind.

So I had taken to performing some maneuver or small jutsu in the streets when he was walking by to see what he thought of my progress, and I would find a note pinned to my favorite tree later telling me what he thought and how to improve it. He was a really good teacher.

"Kakashi-sensei, have you ever taught anyone remotely?" That was Naruto. I didn't know that he knew the word 'remotely'. Sakura must've taught it to him. The white-haired jounin blinked and turned around, having arrived at the training grounds. He looked at the blonde boy with his eye, analyzing. He nodded, and my eyes widened slightly. _He's going to tell him!? Them?_ I didn't like the idea very much. My mother would hit me.

"I have one." Naruto's eyes widened excitedly, and he practically began to dance.

"Really? Who is he? Where is he? What's he doing?" If Naruto was a girl, he'd be squealing. I couldn't help but think that that was kind of immature. He was my age after all. Kakashi studied him for a moment, and then looked up and met my eyes. I was worried, but he gave me a reassuring look, and I tried to relax. He looked back down, Naruto none the wiser.

"She's watching you." He said cheerfully, and all three of them tensed automatically, ready for an attack.

"NANI?" Naruto shouted, looking around and I winced. _Geez, he really is a loudmouth…_ Kakashi raised his hands placatingly.

"Not so loud Naruto, you'll scare her away." Well, on any other day I would've, if Kakashi hadn't assured me that it would be alright- but the words worked, and the three preteens slowly calmed down. There was a moment of silence before Naruto spoke again.

"Can I meet her?"

"Can _we_ meet her?" Sakura corrected him, and he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Heh, heh. Yeah. We." Kakashi shrugged, taking out the book I had given him and leaning against my tree.

"It's up to her." He said, turning to the page he was on. "She knows we don't bite." I felt a little twinge of guilt for the anxiety I was feeling. I wasn't really used to being around people like them. Sure, I liked them, but there had always been this kind of invisible wall set between them and me. I wasn't one of them.

"What's her name?" Sasuke asked, and I looked at him. He hardly said anything.

"Aoi." That's it. Kakashi said my name, and now his students knew who I was.

"Aoi." Naruto said, running my name over his tongue. "What a pretty name."

"It means 'blue Althea', doesn't it?" Sakura said, and I blinked. Blue. That's a pretty good description of me. I didn't know what Althea was, but it sounded nice. Naruto then looked up into the trees, looking for me, and I hid behind a branch.

"Aoi. Where are you?" Sakura whacked him over the head, and he grabbed it, whimpering.

"Don't you have _any_ manners? Honestly." She sighed, shaking her head and stepping forward and looking up into the trees. She was looking the wrong way. Naruto had been close, but Sakura was completely off. "Aoi? I'm Haruno Sakura, and this is Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. We'd really like to meet you." I blinked, and felt my insides turning a little softer. I knew who they were already, but Sakura had introduced herself and the others formally, and- to ignore her request would be rude. I gathered my chakra in my hands and feet and held onto the tree like a cat.

"I-" My voice cracked, whisper-like since I hadn't used it for months. It actually scratched at my throat. I coughed lightly, and spoke a little bit louder. "I know who you are." I said, and it was still quiet as I climbed down the tree like a cat does, stopping timidly just above Kakashi's shoulder and reaching out carefully before withdrawing it, unsure- but he reached up to me without looking- an open invitation, and I smiled slightly before placing my palm on his before releasing my chakra and pushing off from the tree to arch my back and land on my feet in front of him.

I looked up to see Sasuke's stonily interested face, Naruto's overly-enthusiastic face and Sakura's awed face before gulping and looking at my feet, trying to back up to hide, but Kakashi's hand on my back prevented that. I wasn't supposed to be here, and that frightened me. I felt Kakashi straighten up and stand beside me. I think I leaned a little subconsciously towards him. Kakashi was such a reassuring presence, his hand on my shoulder now.

"Look up, Aoi." He said. "We don't bite." I trembled a little, but did as he said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything I didn't create.

**A/N:** Guess who's POV this is in. :D Thanks to Momokochan who reviewed my story in about the first 7 seconds after it was published. Arigatto.

Hope you like the chapter.

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_She really does get scared easily._ I thought, tilting my head to the side. Aoi was tiny, only coming up to about my shoulder, and she had hair the color of fire. Her eyes were brown and her lips were a baby pink, suiting her pale skin tone nicely. She looked like she was nine, and reminded me of a plant trying to grow in shadows. Like she hadn't gotten enough sun. She was powerful though- if the way she came down the tree was any inclination of her strength. Kakashi's large frame dwarfed her. The way he had his arm around her shoulders reminded me of a father protecting his daughter while encouraging her to go on. Sweet. I could smell the fear coming off her though, and I smiled at her reassuringly. The scent faltered into unsureness.

"Heya. You're really cute." SMACK. I stumbled forward a step as Sakura slammed the soft side of her fist into my back, yelling at me to stop flirting, but the small smile on Aoi's face was worth it. "So you're a ninja too, right?" I asked, and I felt a twinge of disappointment as her smile vanished, and she shook her head sadly. "Why not?" I asked curiously, and Sakura muttered something about me being insensitive, but I ignored that.

"Mama doesn't want me to be." She said, and I tilted my head to the side curiously. She cast her eyes down before looking back up. "My papa was like you. My papa died. Mama doesn't want me to die too." My heart nearly stopped, and I felt cold suddenly. She was so blunt about it. She sighed slightly. "Doesn't stop me from watching though…" She said quietly, and Kakashi's hand relaxed on her shoulder, where it had tensed for a moment. Aoi's bold statement had even caught Sasuke's interest, while Sakura just looked sympathetic. Aoi smiled a little, and looked up at me, still a little timidness hiding in her eyes. "I like you, Naruto. Admire you. You know loneliness, but that doesn't keep you from being strong."

I blinked, surprised. She _liked_ me? That was new. I thought everyone in the village hated me. She fidgeted, and I blinked.

"So your papa was a ninja, huh?" I asked, hand on the back of my neck. She nodded. "I'm sure he was very brave." She nodded again. "Do you remember him?" She shook her head from side to side. No. She didn't remember him. There was a moment of silence.

"There's-" she started to say but broke off because her voice was cracking again from lack of use. She cleared her throat gently and started again. "There's a few pictures my mum has. Has around the house." She paused again. "I've been watching you three train. For a few months now." Sakura gasped, Sasuke didn't react at all, and my jaw dropped as my eyes widened.

"MONTHS?" I exclaimed, and she winced.

"Loud." She whispered, and calmed down instantly, feeling guilty.

"Gomen." She nodded slightly as if to say that it was alright, and smiled a little.

"Hai. I've been watching you since you left the academy." She paused. "That sounds strange, but I've learned a lot from watching you all." I smiled, curious.

"Really? Like what?"

"U-um… I learned how to control my chakra, and I remember your hand seals. I remember Sasuke's fire jutsu hand seals. I don't know if I'd be able to use it though. I've watching you sparring and tried to copy it. I've- I've never fought against anyone before, so- so I don't know how that'd work out…" I grinned, and she looked at me with wide, wondering eyes.

"You want to try?"

"Nani?"

"You want to spar?"

"Oh. Um… Is- is that okay?" She asked, turning her head toward Kakashi, but keeping her eyes on me until the last moment. He smiled with his eye.

"Sure is!" I said cheerfully as I pitched a fist towards her noisily so that she'd know I was coming. She turned her head sharply to look at me with wide eyes, and put her arms up to block my attack in an instant, flowing away from me like water and leading me out into the field, away from the others.

She fought like she was dancing, but unsure of herself. She moved like water when she was like that, which was very effective and very evasive. I couldn't land a single blow on her, and every time she blocked a blow, her hands were soft and gentle, like how I'd seen mothers caressing their children's faces, so in the end, I was just getting very tired, whereas she looked like she could go on forever. I wanted to see what she'd do on the offensive though, so I tried talking to her.

"Throw a punch! Come on!" I yelled over the sounds of fighting that we were making. She looked at me with wide, afraid eyes. "You won't hurt me! Trust me!" Her eyes lost their wideness when she heard that, and she licked her lips as she thought. I went for a punch, and she lightly grasped my wrist, moving out of the way, and she lightly tapped my cheek with her loosely curled fist. I blinked in surprise, and then grinned as I laughed. "That's a punch? That's adorable! Hit me like you mean it!" Aoi looked distraught when she heard that, and when I came at her again, she crouched and tripped me up, and before I could get up again, she was sitting on my back with a hand barely touching my throat and a finger lightly pressed against the back of my neck as I looked up. I blinked, confused as to what her hands meant.

"Kunai." She said quietly. I blinked, surprised, and then laughed breathlessly. She was fun to spar with.

"Wow!" I said breathlessly as she got off my back, and I rolled over for a rest. "You're good! So you 'killed' me with like- two, three moves? Incredible." Aoi smiled slightly as if she wasn't sure what to make of that, and sat cross-legged next to me as she looked in the direction of the others. I listened, and I could hear their footsteps echoing through the ground, so I turned my head their way, grinning like a kid. Kakashi was smiling, Sasuke looked disinterested, and Sakura looked a little awed.

Kakashi ruffled Aoi's hair, and she smiled, her eyes lighting up. I could see in the way she acted around him that she thought of him as a sort of father figure or an older brother. She thought of Kakashi as someone she could look up to, and I understood that notion perfectly. I had that in Iruka-sensei. Someone who cared about me. I blinked and pushed myself up on my elbows.

"Aoi?" She turned to look at me. "What's your mother like?" Kakashi frowned as her face lowered to look at the ground again, sadly. Sakura spared me a small frown, but she was watching Aoi too, waiting for her reaction.

"My mama. She- I don't know what she used to be like. Mama just sits on her bed now. Looking out the window or at a picture of my papa. Mama is still sad. She doesn't feed herself anymore. I bring her breakfast, and I have to put the first bite in her mouth before she'll start eating on her own. I have to do the same with lunch and… dinner." Her words faltered as she looked up into the sky, her eyes wide and her body tense. The fear was coming off her in waves again, and I frowned, sitting up and looking at her. The sun was high in the sun, midday, and it seemed that that was what she was focusing on. "I- I'm late." She said, starting to tremble. "Mama will be angry. I've got to go." She said, and turned on her heel, ready to run. Sensing that, I leaned forward.

"Wait!" She paused and looked over her shoulder at me. "You'll come back right?" Sakura straightened up at my side, and Sasuke's interest was piqued, and Kakashi watched her with concern in his eye. She frowned slightly for a moment and gave a quick, sharp nod before she leapt off, like a rabbit chased by hounds. She was very fast. We watched her leave, and after awhile I looked up, and I saw that Kakashi's eye was still concerned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything I didn't create.

**A/N:** ANGST! ANGST! Just warning you, this is a really angsty chapter. R&R!

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Mama was angry. Angry and concerned, really… but more angry. She was waiting in the kitchen, shattered plates and smashed food everywhere. The place was a mess, and her white nightgown was stained with the juices from the food, her bare feet were cut from the shards of the broken plates, her hair was knotted and matted, and her eyes were wild and crazed.

I stood frozen in the doorway for a moment, trembling, watching her. Her eyes were looking at me with that crazed, angsty, half-dead look that I knew better than any other expression she could've worn- but she didn't seem to see me, and I swallowed nervously and stepped into the kitchen, closing the door quietly behind me.

I cleaned up the kitchen around her, circling her silently like a bee does its hive starting at the edges of the room and circling closer to her as I cleaned. Luckily, she wasn't standing on anything other than the floor, so I didn't need to disturb her until I was finished cleaning the room, which took about twenty minutes. I quickly checked her bedroom and mine, and the hallway for any damage, but they were clean- before I made myself face mama.

I placed a chair quietly behind her, and I carefully summoned one of my softer versions of my chakra, the white one, and extending that gently outwards, I guided her gently back onto the chair without her noticing me in front of her. My white chakra had been tailored for my mama, to be unnoticeable when used. I was shaking, scared, but I made myself kneel at mama's feet and force it back. I looked at the cuts on mama's feet, and noticed that some of them still had shards in them, and that they were still bleeding. I was worried, but I concentrated on my white chakra and gently pulled out the shards with it while mixing the green version of my chakra with the white to heal her feet without her noticing. I placed the bloody shards on the counter above me when they were out, and I rested, still shaking. Still afraid. I took a deep calming breath, and focused, concentrating on bringing out the green version of my chakra, and I touched the smaller cuts on my mama's feet gently, starting to heal them up.

My mama's fist connected with the side of my eye as she forced it down like a pool cue, and I instinctively reached out to cushion my impact against the counter next to me, shaking terribly. Mama was angry again, and I kept my eyes averted. I knew what her face would look like. Like it always did. Empty and sad and crazed. Mama's foot connected with my shins, which were protecting my belly, and I was forced into a backwards somersault from the impact, which was why I had cleaned up the floor first. Mama couldn't speak anymore. She was… not the same anymore. Sometimes I thought I could remember her smiling, when I dreamed. Sometimes I would remember her in my dreams, laughing and cuddling with a faceless ninja who was my father. When I awoke, I would remember what he looked like from the pictures mama had of him, but I could never remember him. Mama's foot connected with my ribs from where I was lying curled up on the floor, and I whimpered as I felt them bend and bruise. Mama could only express her anger and fear through the bruises and wounds she left on me now. She would trash the house if I wasn't there, but it was the only way she knew how. I was just glad that she didn't know about chakra. Mama lifted me off the ground, and I kept myself curled up, lie a little puppy, and she threw me. My back connected with thin wood, and I felt it splinter and crack as I was thrown hard enough to go through it. I opened my eyes.

I was outside, curled up like a little puppy in the empty street where we lived, and I looked forward and saw my mama in the door frame, seeing her furious, dead eyes, and I felt very afraid.

I was running like the wind before I realized what had happened, and I was running through the trees in the dimming light in a familiar direction. I tried to remember what had happened as I ran, and it dimly came back to me. I had felt afraid, and I had impulsively shot a ball of chakra at my mama without my mind giving my arms consent to do that, and when she fell back into the house, I had leapt over the rooftops and started to run.

I was nearly to the training fields I had last seen Kakashi and the others at when my leg and ribs throbbed simultaneously, painfully, and I whimpered and fell onto a branch of the tree neighboring the one I had climbed out of earlier. My favorite tree, and I realized I couldn't move. I just hurt, and I wondered how I could've run so fast and far like that. My injuries had probably worsened from that, and I choked on the tears I was trying to hold back, but feeling them run over my face anyways. My mama hurt me, and that was not what other mothers did, and… I really wanted a mama like the other kids had. I wanted a mama who would love me.

I heard Kakashi running in my direction then, and I could feel his chakra in the state of mind I was in, and I felt the three others following him. I had been gone for awhile, and he had probably smelled the salt of my tears. I didn't know if he could smell wounds or not. I thought- I thought I should make it easier for him to find me, and so I let my arm dangle off of the branch, past the leaves, and I felt him jump right away, the three following him slowing to a stop.

I let go of the tension I felt then, and my vision blurred instantly as I saw Kakashi appear suddenly through the haze. I blinked, and my vision stilled for a moment as I focused on his face, which was stricken with worried terror at the sight of me. I smiled feebly, but it vanished quickly as I reached up with my heavy hand that had been dangling off of the branch and reached it towards him, Kakashi reaching up to support it as I looked at him.

"Ka-ka-shi…" I whispered, and my vision went black.


End file.
